take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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