Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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