3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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