Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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