Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
