I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Randomize
