Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
