My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
