The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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