He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
