everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize