I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
