Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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