she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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