Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?