i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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