I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.