Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?