Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!

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  (630): I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!! http://tfl.nu/du0v
  Replies (3) Good night (1778) Bad night (612)
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  (909): View more from California

  I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it

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  (909): I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it http://tfl.nu/7yht
  Replies (40) Good night (1128) Bad night (9215)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

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  (816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book. http://tfl.nu/rwum
  Replies (44) Good night (775) Bad night (10373)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.

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  (602): for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me. http://tfl.nu/jxdy
  Replies (12) Good night (4857) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

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  (401): If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is http://tfl.nu/twoy
  Replies (19) Good night (4466) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty

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  (970): Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty http://tfl.nu/gq3b
  Replies (9) Good night (4020) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.

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  (910): Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse. http://tfl.nu/i97p
  Replies (19) Good night (903) Bad night (2395)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.

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  (406): At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/1ggh
  Replies (3) Good night (1625) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Do you want cuervo gold or silver?

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  (847): Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight? (262): Do you want cuervo gold or silver? http://tfl.nu/7twk
  Replies (11) Good night (3189) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.

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  (651): Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker. http://tfl.nu/umuy
  Replies (13) Good night (1285) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.

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  (973): If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will. http://tfl.nu/voi6
  Replies (2) Good night (927) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits

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  (506): there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits http://tfl.nu/dkmo
  Replies (4) Good night (608) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.

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  (704): Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success. http://tfl.nu/ssjq
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron

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  (620): Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron http://tfl.nu/6cz2
  Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (146)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?

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  (217): Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices? http://tfl.nu/ss4x
  Replies (0) Good night (560) Bad night (142)

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