I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
