Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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