HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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