Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
