Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
