if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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