I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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