walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
