Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
