am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
