just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
