He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
