...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Still dying that you shit outside
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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