dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
