If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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