um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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