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Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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