I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?