When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"