I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.