sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!