He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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