I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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