I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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