I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship