i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.