So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low