she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though