Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.