Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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