She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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