Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
