You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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