i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.