Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i drank out of a bidet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?