I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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