I think my fart just growled at me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
