I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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