last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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