i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
