I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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