Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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