She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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