I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
