The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We smell like vodka and hangover
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